What’s more awesome than a heartfelt hug? A long, loving cuddle of course! People are the best thing in life. Having healthy relationships is possibly the luckiest gift we can receive. Close and connected others can be a source of intellectual stimulation, security, protection and comfort, good energy, humour, laughter and pleasure (oh yes!).
Come here and get some love… A mutually cherished physical squeeze brings the ultimate proof of friendliness and acceptance, a clear sign of sisterhood and brotherhood. The spiritual connection of a proximate heart also triggers a feel good boost of dopamine, serotonin with a hint of oxytocin, the most divine cocktail there is.
A bad day is never too bad when you get a proper, long, genuine embrace, some close vicinity with a fellow human being, the warmth of another soul.
What’s more fun and exciting, a glass of champagne or, to stay with the French theme, a long, sloppy, open mouthed snog? What would you rather have, a new sports car or a hot and sexy relationship with someone you really find irresistible? And if romance isn’t your thing right now, physical connection with friends and family brings all sorts of positive benefits.
It seems that a 20-second hug reduces the harmful effects of stress, relieves blood pressure, and ensures a healthy cardiovascular system. Increasing the hug ratio results in decreased cortisol, improved healing, reduced cravings, and better immunity. If it’s so beneficial for health and a good life, why isn’t the whole world greeting friends and family this way?
Modern chronic stress is mostly related to difficult social and interpersonal interactions. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs this is “Love & Belonging” a major need we need fulfilled for a good existence. Relationships and connection with others really are at the core of our lives. And when those others can be hugged, kissed and more… wow, I can feel butterflies in my stomach, a lingering desire for… exactly that!
Is it wrong, taboo, unethical, forbidden to even write about this? It’s 2022, we are materially wealthy, (relatively) free and more socially distant than ever. Who needs more objects or things, really. I’d rather much prefer some close friends, the rekindling of a family connection, a new functional, long term relationship of any kind. Don’t you feel lonely in those city flats, corporate cubicles and expensive hotel rooms? I know I did, travelling for work, 5 stars but no hugs, kisses or cuddles.
You might feel a bit triggered by this subject. If that is so, you could ask yourself why. What is so challenging about affection, physical touch. Maybe you have been separated, socially distanced, disconnected from friends and family. There might be unresolved relationship trauma or just you are not a hug and kiss type. Well, to be honest, I am not so naturally open to affection either, I have some holdbacks too. I am very affectionate with my special one, but not usually with friends and acquaintances.
There are other ways of showing affection that don’t require prolonged physical contact. I remember as a child when an old auntie would grab me and smooch me all over, eww…
Cooking a healthy, balanced meal for a loved one is affection for me. A regular bi-weekly call to my parents in Italy, a sign of support to a coworker, a small gesture to a neighbour.
Parental affection is as important as feeding, caring for, and giving a home to a child. Healthy love to children includes physical touch, kisses and cuddles. I am not a parent but how cute my cat is, so irresistible!
A bit stiff, nerdy or self conscious? I am too, at some level. A scientific man ought to have no wishes, no affections, – a mere heart of stone, Charles Darwin was quoted to say. How terrible. If that’s the way you feel, love and affection can be cultivated, made a reality in your own life, for your health and the betterment of the world.
Since I moved to Koh Phangan, the hugging island, I have learnt to appreciate physical connection, more heart to heart closeness. There is so much value in being open and showing it too.
You could give it a try, flow into a friends’ arms, ask for a kiss. Awkward? Awesome! They’ll be surprised but positively so. Maybe 😉
All you need is love, a famous song recites. If you are a brainy, action prone go-getter and prioritise career and material success over love, you are seeking the fulfilment of Maslow’s “Esteem”, the human need for recognition and status. This might still be seeking love and affection in disguise, in some way at least.
Healthy love relationships will provide support and solace and will likely help you succeed materially too. Because “being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage”. (Lao Tzu). And if you can also squuuuueeeeeeze them… how marvellous and satisfying!