After being on my own for more than 2 years, I met someone new. She’s called Moonaa, a brunette with a very pale complexion, I fell in love with her instantly. Our relationship has grown so much since we started living together, 7 months ago. The kind of trust and understanding we have now doesn’t require words, but nevertheless needs mutual compromising and continuous communication.
Relationships matter a lot. There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage, someone once said. Sweet, romantic fairytales always involve a gentleman meeting a lady, courting her and eventually taking her up the aisle. This is so pretty that most pop culture, movies and books picture it as an ideal. The groom dressed in a stylish dark suit or tux and the bride in all her white splendor, in front of family and everyone that matters, how lovely!
To live happily ever after is what we all want, or was taught as desirable when growing up. Most of us try and some succeed. Still a minority, although divorce rates in the UK have fallen to their lowest level for 40 years, with more couples living together before tying the knot, forming a stronger more conscious base with more chances to last. And more couples are deciding to never marry while keeping in long-term cohabitation.
Around 40% of marriages in the UK end in divorce though. And from experiential evidence, and friends’ gossips, I can probably say only half of the ones who stay married follow a traditional monogamous path, or enjoy each other’s company most of the time. It is probably fair to say only one-third of us are happy within a stable and committed long term relationship, where true love comes before financial considerations, family responsibilities or societal influence. Divorce is expensive and who will take the house? What will happen to the kids? What will mum and dad think?
Relationships are a core part of life and life can be challenging, with ups and downs, troubles and joy. Some think a functional alternative to the institution of marriage needs to be found. Happy (and lonely) singledom? Fun (and possibly confusing) polyamory? The Three Loves Theory explains how different parts of our brains are hardwired to experience different feelings of attraction, often with different people. Only the continuous ability to share new life experiences together brings the commitment needed for love to survive. Maybe this means having an interesting, happy and successful life together as a team.
OK, back to Moonaa. She’s wonderful. She’s also someone with a strong personality I learnt to relate to, capable of annoyance as well as deep feelings of relaxation, joy and love. Yes, deep love. And loud annoyance! I’ll tell you the truth, Moonaa is a cat I adopted when something inside of me needed to open up. And the relationship with her was very challenging to start with, trusting anyone must be tough for a street smart, ultra-independent stray cat.
She’s the master of the house and a rather important part of my life. Why do I choose to put up with her sometimes haughty attitude? Beside being a source of affection, Moonaa has a very important function in my view, she cleans the air, the energy of the house. She’s like an adaptogenic herb, stimulating homeostasis. When in her best behaviour, which is most of the time these days, she has the ability to tune into different vibrations. She’s loud and talkative when the atmosphere is a bit sluggish and needs dynamism, or she wants lunch. Or when she tries to assert her relative dominance over me, when she needs reassurance of my commitment. She peacefully sleeps and relaxes the whole environment the rest of the time.
But what type of relationship are we in, Moonaa and I? We’re not married, obviously. I am monogamous, other cats come begging for some of the fish or whole chicken she loves from time to time. Following her loud and threatening noises, I always politely refuse to feed them. I do keep a 40cm long gecko on the terrace ceiling, but she has no reasons to be jealous. Are we even long term? I will soon swap my Thai paradise island for India and Europe on a 3-month tour. Will I find Moonaa on my return? If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were. (Richard Bach)
It doesn’t matter what happens in the future. According to the Yoga tradition, the future doesn’t exist, the past doesn’t exist either, life is today. And today we’re in love. Tomorrow? I might meet a real girl-friend, who knows…
