Perfectionism is a disease. I see how much suffering this scourge brings to its victims and how big a part of our modern life it currently is. Excessive critical self-evaluations and too much concern regarding others’ judgement is disabling initiative, reducing personal growth and hindering well-being at an individual and larger scale.
Perfectionism means you are not good enough, your partner is not good enough, the world is never good enough. Even worse, a perfectionist is all out finding faults in anything, nitpicking minor imperfections, constantly criticising everything and everyone as nothing “real” is perfect, as manifested reality is never permanently ideal.
This is applied to the external and the others but even more to the self, with endless negative mind chatter and guilt tripping.
Orthodoxy to any ideology as well as dogmas or beliefs held unquestioningly and with undefended certainty are manifestations of this widespread disease. It is a characteristic of institutionalised religions and totalitarian states alike.
Early childhood experiences, such as having distant parents with unrealistically high expectations, being oppressed by a strict and severe mentality of harsh judgement and conditional love, might predispose you.
If you are, sadly, prone to the extreme of perfectionism, you are compulsively drawn to it, you might consider a middle way. Even study the opposite as a strategy to gain perspective over this terrible condition and start getting better.
Acceptance means everything just “is”. Whatever manifests is taken in, at least initially, without judgement and as a simple fact, not good nor bad, and then responded to with some degree of detachment.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, all is ultimately good, it is meant to happen or it happens by divine design, as it should.
This final step is rather challenging and impractical, yet useful to be considered as a way to rebalance a perfectionist mind. We need some standards in the way we work and create, but also in how we show up in the world, treat ourselves and others.
Ethics and a moral framework are important to live in society, values a fundamental aspect of who we are, psychologically and in material terms.
But these seem to be changing and evolving, the latest principals can’t be an absolute. It is obvious particularly when taken into an historical perspective, as both our personal history and the history of civilisation see continuous change in culture and ideas. Any dogmatic attachment to a fixed ideology or view of the world seems to be illogical.
As I acquire experience and become wiser, I can refine my creative output, better my yoga and meditation practice, my ability to communicate, sharpen my view of reality.
Nihilism is the absence of moral values or meaning in life and anarchy the absence of political structure or authority in society. Both can easily lead to chaos and destruction and are mostly unhealthy.
A perfectionist knows what perfection is, or thinks she does. This is already a gross representation of reality and a very biassed, absolutist and unrealistic position to have.
We are in the realm of the mind here, in the world of abstraction obviously. Perfectionists bring this notion of perfection to everything in their lives and create incredibly high standards they desperately try to follow.
Perfectionism is also nefarious when applied to morality as the victims can’t distinguish much between small and large deviations from their rule, goal or bliss point. Anything even minimally short of the ideal is negative and needs to be righteously addressed. Anyone who doesn’t fully agree with the dogma, an enemy to be watched and actively contrasted.
Perfectionistic ideals easily become an objectivization and closure of possible alternatives and choices. Groupthink and homologous behaviour is driven by fear of alienation from the group and can lead to totalitarian collectivism, as it happened in Stalinist Soviet Union.
The theory of science itself, when it’s not ideologically or religiously followed, keeps on producing new findings, questioning new evidence as it comes in, and repeatedly reexamining prior conclusions.
As much as technology and its latest child, Artificial Intelligence, can be cold and objective, what is good or bad, desirable or not is an individual, human question, informed by philosophy and consciousness more than algorithms and mathematical equations.
When the ideal of perfection is looked for, the goalposts keep on moving, the perfectionist’s perception of this ideal shifts as perfection is elusive. It suddenly takes a little longer, a few more adjustments, some more effort, further preparation to make it really perfect.
What is a perfect dinner for one person, a perfect work of art or a deeply meaningful experience might not be for another. Everything is necessarely subjective, at least in the way it is perceived, relative in nature. Seeking perfection is a thankless struggle, a disease.
The ideal of perfection comes with fear of failure and brings endless procrastination.
Tough and unjustified criticism of the behaviour, output or creations of others, often include a negative and critical worldview, a pessimistic stance on the present and an utopian or naive view of the future.
This leads the perfectionist to perceive his own work, current deeds or achievements, even his own person, as flawed, insufficient, gross or grotesque.
What to do when fear grapples the mind and soul? Freeze, stop, close down and do nothing. Or forcefully, dogmatically criticise those who are trying, experimenting, doing and progressing towards better and more fulfilling work and creations, inspired projects and self development.
Cancel culture is one of the most odious aspects of our modern times. This concept is not new, although the name might be, as it is rooted in totalitarian and religious history.
It applies an absolute, perfectionist lens to judge individuals who are remarkable in some ways but imperfect, flawed or perceived unethical in other aspects of their work or in personal life.
In this context, you might be a genius inventor, a mighty sports person or a great benefactor. But if you take a stance which doesn’t fit the current ideology or specific morality, either because you see reality differently or you make a mistake of some sort, you get cancelled, and the entirety of your work is disregarded too.
Both aspects of cancel culture, the unhindered shaming of the individual and the disregard of the individual’s work are sad and pathological symptoms of moral perfectionism.
You might represent a message of peace and union, love and modernism, having matured into a famous artist and great communicator, John Lennon style. Like a symbol or icon, young people might look upon your legacy and take note, be positively inspired. Was John a perfect individual though?
Clearly not, he struggled with containing violence as a younger man, grappling with his shadow, he made others suffer, his behaviour was, in his early life, sometimes deplorable.
As a flawed symbol, even partially flawed, even if his misdeeds happened during his immature earlier years and there is no sign of relapse in later times, the whole piece loses legitimacy, glitter and symbolic value.
It all needs to be discarded, shamed, annihilated, cancelled. “Imagine all the people living life in peace…” pacifism, in the face of the latest war and as a traditional left-wing value, is cancelled too.
No matter what the cultural context of the time was, whether someone mends his act, mature into a more balanced, virtuous or bigger person.
Cancel culture shames and destroys, Soviet Union style, leaving nothing but nihilism, or replacing old and contemporary heroes who do not align, with puny, newly manufactured, ideologically controlled ones, Greta Thunberg style.
George Washington was born into a slave owning household and brought up in this terribly inhumane environment, yet a prevalent one in 18th century America. Taking over from his parents, he also owned slaves.
It seems that, at the end of his life, Washington made the decision to free all of the enslaved people he held. He is (or maybe was) considered the “Father of His Country”, first President of the USA. He also presided over the convention that drafted the U.S. Constitution, a remarkable document that brought about democracy, rights and prosperity to millions of people. Some think he should be cancelled and, maybe, the constitution he helped draft too.
All-or-nothing, groupthink means you are in or out, no allowance can be made, no degree of discernment is possible and peer pressure hard to bear.
Stalin didn’t ban Hamlet, Shakespeare’s masterpiece. He merely let it be known he disapproved of Hamlet during a rehearsal at the Moscow Art Theater. And for many long years Hamlet was not seen on the Soviet stage.
The tragedy (or comedy, if you have a joyful personality and see this current state of affairs as a farce), is that there are rumours Shakepseare’s plays might be cancelled again, today and in England. Or edited down to an extent that using the word censorship wouldn’t be an exaggeration, as free speech and debate are sacrificed on the altar of ideology and political correctness.
Who needs history and hero-like figures, archetypal mythology or Shakespearean sonnets when you have reels and IG stories, video games and the Kardashians?
Perfectionism is a relentless disease that cripples people who set unachievable goals with fear and angst.
Unrealistic standards means no one can afford to take any risk and fall short of expectations. If perfect results are all that matters, perfect culturally endorsed behaviour, a perfect image of yourself allows no experimentation, trial and error or free flow, Brave New World style.
While high achievers and independent minded creators of great work are able to bounce back fairly easily from disappointment, perfectionists tend to beat themselves up and wallow in negative feelings when their high expectations go unmet.
Produce nothing original or authentic and you’ll be alright. Keep safe, keep a low profile, follow the herd, parrot everyone else’s slogans, repeat the propaganda messages. Stick to convention and you won’t make any mistakes.
In a collectivist society, the group matters, not the individual. In a globalised collectivist culture, global icons are made, and destroyed, by the increasingly tyrannical cultural elite.
You are either aligned or against the group as differing perspectives, even slightly differing are “part of the problem”. Everything is good or bad, black or white, true or false, absolutely.
There is no mercy for the perceived perpetrator, no compassion, no allowance for correctional practice or offender rehabilitation. No mitigating circumstances, no ability to discern the naturally imperfect person, from the value of the work produced.
The enemy must be righteously stopped, for the greater good of everyone. Dogmatism and ideology bred in a perfectionist, absolutist culture deny human fallibility. As imperfect beings, humans could, one day, be cancelled too, replaced by perfectly soul-less robots.
Say no to perfectionism, no to unrealistic expectations, no to obsessive judgement of reality and yourself in it. Perfectionism is a disease and if you are sick with it, be courageous, be real, take risks and value your effort, find perfection in the imperfect, create from the heart and live a full life.
Grounded in values and as a human being, I look for meaning and beauty in everything, I aim for greater growth and understanding, harmony and love, while necessarely accepting what comes.
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.” John Lennon