There are times when you want a bit of a challenge. You feel like measuring yourself up against something less ordinary, even hard to do. You want to expand, grow, develop, stretch to a higher level seeking some sort of material or immaterial reward. The challenge you pick is up to you, it depends on your passions, beliefs and views of the world.
Could be work and business related, could be family related, or other. A friend climbed the Kilimanjaro mountain, another once travelled by land from Warsaw to China, my favourite person recently moved to the other side of the world and started a new job in the precious gems trade in mighty Bangkok.
A sense of adventure, a desire to dip into the unknown, a change in routine, a need for something new might motivate you to give it a go. I love challenges, not the usual, day to day challenge of keeping a job and paying the mortgage, although that’s also a challenge and I respect the many who endure it. I have a taste for the original, the exotic, the esoteric, I love adventure and self-development and I see myself pushing the boundaries into a unique lifestyle, rich in experiences, continuous learning and personal growth.
Yoga is my love. My way to let go, to reconnect to myself, to seek truth in a world of cliches, stereotypes and prepackaged reality. The clarity of mind, the sense of wholeness I get through Yoga is unparalleled and very precious to me. The Yoga system is truly open-ended, you can spend a lifetime practicing and learning and discovering and you will always find something new and wonderful. From the basic stretch of the beginner you can gradually progress to higher levels, beyond the physical body and mind, to the soul.
Yoga in a broad sense includes complex philosophical notions, a sophisticated medical system like Ayurveda, a huge diversity of knowledge and techniques, inspiring teachers to lead you to meditation, the ultimate tool for self discovery.
So here I am, a week into a 30-day 300-hours Integrated Restorative Yoga Therapy Teacher Training Course in Mysore, South India. In a very traditional, no-frills Ashram, where the students are expected to follow ‘the principle of adjust (physically), adapt (mentally) and accommodate (emotionally)’. The Teachers here share with us the Techniques which can help develop the ‘incisive selective passive awareness needed to find all the answers within or around’.
It includes embracing Pratyahara: the use of electronic devices is restricted and regulated. ‘The journey inwards can not be accomplished without adequately blocking the external stimuli’.
‘Cultural differences are nothing but a programming of the innocent Self by the insecure Self. The participants are expected to transcend this’. And so my real challenge start with NOT sleeping on a hard, thin mattress, in a cramped dorm with 10 others, 3 of whom helplessly snore in a nightly concert of loud gurgles and gasps.
Despite having little to no rest, I love the 3-hour Asana practice led by a super flexible and really knowledgeable World Champion. A yogini with great energy and experience. Ahead of her class, we start with Kryas, or purification techniques, at 5am, and here lies my second challenge. I easily perform Jala Neti on the first day, the simple technique of cleansing the nose with tepid salty water. And I rejoice on the second day when I manage to pierce my nasal cavities with a rubber catheter, in preparation for Sutra Neti, in a few days. In Sutra Neti a waxed cotton string is inserted into the nose and then pulled out from the mouth. I get a bad sore throat but I master sharper vision and my third eye feels wide open.
And then we start the daily practice of Kunjal or Vamana Dhauti. A practice we will be carrying out daily for two weeks. I duly drink 5 large glasses of lukewarm salt water in rapid succession, stimulate the back of the throat with two fingers and gag myself. It’s all retch but no vomit. I try again and again until my eyes are full of tears, my throat already inflamed from the day before really hurts and it is suggested I drink two more glasses. I give it my best shot and don’t succeed in throwing it up, to cleanse my stomach and energetically open my heart. The water ends up in my guts and 2 hours later, during the Asana class, I quietly leave to the toilet for a half, accidental version of the Shankha Prakshalana Kriya, the cleansing of the intestine, which was due in a few days time.
The vegan food twice daily is very simple and very high in grains, mostly rice and wheat semolina, very low in fat. Lentils or beans to add protein, some cooked vegetables and 2-3 pieces of fruit a day. A sweet prasad, or devotional offering made for God, is eaten at the end of the chanting, around 9pm. I am bloated and constipated.
Overcoming the struggle is part of personal growth and I already endured a very strict, hard regime at my previous TTC at Sivananda, which seems like a walk in the park in comparison. I was in a very different state of mind and phase of life then.
Fortunately the day is made sweet, very sweet by the philosophy class and the Ayurveda class. The teacher is sharp, aware, strong at times, loving at others, always very present, articulate, almost hypnotic and a bottomless source of knowledge. His speech is learnt but not dogmatic, his answers measured and on the point. A medical and ayurvedic doctor, he spent a lifetime learning and developing and is the embodiment of a Yoga Guru. We connect immediately and I feel I have a special relationship with him. He often looks at me in the group, likes my interventions and the energy between us flows effortlessly.
Sir, as we respectfully call him, also leads a great 2-hour Pranayama and Yoga Nidra class with various little known and powerful techniques focused on the frontal cortex, the seat of Ajna (or Agya) Chakra, which commands knowledge in the brain. As most of my fellow group tiredly falls asleep, I am present and awake. And he knows it.
The day pass quickly and I feel mostly fine but at 9.30pm, when the lights go off, I dread returning to my dungeon, the dark, noisy, cramped dorm. As I lie awake at night, my sore throat worsens. In the spirit of adapt and accommodate, I think I can do this. Relax and fall asleep, relax and fall asleep, relax and… it’s already 4.45am and the bell rings.
6 days later, the constant sore throat which recedes during the day and worsen at night, starts to affect my right ear. An intermittent, pinching pain appears and my determination worsens. I want sleep and comfort, this is not right for me. My instinct is clear, I mature a strong resolve, I need to end this.
I spent 5 years on healing and renewal, I crave learning and development but, thanks goodness, I am no longer desperate for transformation. Fundamental change involves the death of your current self to create a new, future self. I don’t want to kill the current version of me. I have done it radically already, and it took me at least 2 years to rebuild myself, since moving to Thailand and into a new lifestyle. The current me is good. I am happy and content with it. I am someone who turned his life around in a heartbeat and hasn’t had much comfort for a long time. I normally feel healthy, strong and grounded, with direction and intention, most of the time. I want to preserve this and staying would mean painfully breaking a hard boundary I don’t want to break. Straining, pushing, forcing at this level is clearly not right for me.
Also, there is something about Dr. K. Ashutosh’s brisk, confident manner, sharp language and presence, something I can’t put my finger on. I don’t know exactly what it is, but my subconscious doesn’t want to surrender and it is possible that a traditional but to me unnatural form of surrender to the Guru is implied in his teachings or demeanour.
Thank you Sir, thank you. I much respect and even return the love you say you feel for me and all students. I will see you soon, Inshallah. Let me go, back to a hotel room, clean white sheets, a more balanced diet, rest, peace and quiet.
Aww… I feel good now, as I write this. How can I end the post? I’ ll quote the ancient text of Hatha Yoga, the Pradipika, sloka (verse) number 15: Overeating, (over) exertion, talkativeness, (rigidly) adhering to rules, being in the company of common people and unsteadiness (wavering mind) are the six (causes) which destroy Yoga. Adhering to rules rigidly. And overexertion.
